How to Properly Caramelize Onions

408_09.jpgHello loyal readers. It is time for yet another of my (soon to be) famous random informational posts! Last time we learned the basics of how to shoot a bow and arrow. Today we will be discussing something even cooler.

How to properly caramelize onions.

Now, just for the record, I can’t stand onions. They are slimy, smelly, weird tasting, and just generally unpleasant to find in your food. This is why I love to properly caramelize the daylights out of my onions. The more I do, the smaller and less visible they get. They also taste…not bad (really amazing) when caramelized properly.

Okay” you might be thinking. “Why is this worth my time? I just dice them up and put them in hot oil, right? Isn’t that okay?”

Well, when I went to my one and only Indian cooking class last summer, and the woman saw me tearfully dicing up the onions (I have absolutely no onion tolerance, it’s horrible) she kind of gave this restrained pterodactyl screech, then proceeded to tell me that I had pretty much almost ruined the entire meal with my heathen onions. What she showed me next changed my life.

  1. Do not dice the onions. Cut them in large, paper thin strips, like this, but even thinner:

onion slices.jpg2. Heat up the oil before you put the onions in. That way the onions don’t absorb the oil and get soggy and gross.

3. Now, here is the most challenging part. Put the heat on medium-low. Put the onion strips in. Then be patient.

You see, in order for the onions to properly caramelize, it must be cooked slowly, ideally over a period of 15 to 20 minutes. Although I won’t lie, I usually get impatient and turn the heat up a little. Don’t do that. It’s worth it to wait. Just make sure to give them a little stir every now and then.

If you sliced beautiful, paper thin onions, and slowly caramelized them over low heat, you should eventually get something like this:

PALEO-CARAMELIZED-ONIONS-RECIPE

I know, right? With these babies, you could make a killer curry, or marinara sauce, or a creamy mushroom potato soup, flavored by caramelized onions, with croutons and a light sprinkling of middle eastern yoghurt over the top. Or something.

51252860_chesnut-soup_1x1.jpg

So what are you waiting for? Go and cook! And have an excellent Sunday.

Advertisements

Follow the Flow Chart to Find Your Next Book!

Tired of seeing the same old stories recommended on Goodreads? Desperately searching for a refreshing and engrossing novel so that you can be sucked away from boring reality for a day before being rudely thrust back in after the last page has been read, desperate for yet another fix? Well, boy, did I randomly create the flow chart for you!

Just answer the questions and make your way through the chart. I tried to mostly include books you likely haven’t read before, although there are a few popular novels in there that were just too good to resist. Start at the question about reading YA.

flow chart.jpg

number chart.jpg

The Very Basics of Archery (How Not To Suck, pt. 1)

are-you-trying-to-be-a-badass-because-this-is-how-you-become-a-badass.jpg

Today’s blog post will be on something completely not related to books, because it’s my blog and I can do whatever the hell I want.

Namely ARCHERY!!!!

Today’s informative post will be on how to shoot a bow like a badass, i.e. how not to do the stupid things you see actors doing in the movies and looking like an idiot. While there are many types of bows, each with slightly different shooting styles, today we shall focus on my favorite, the recurve bow:

recurve.jpg

 

  1. Put the string on the bow the right way around.

 

There’s this lovely Facebook group called The Back to Front Archery Club , where they post hilarious pictures of people literally putting the string on the bow on the wrong side in movies, which looks stupid and will, quite literally, either cause the string to fly off the bow and hit you in the face (which would be hilarious) or just kind of make your arrow poop a few feet when you let go, as the bow is not supposed to bend in that direction, and just won’t bend very well in that direction.

 

Fig 1. The Wrong Way. i.e. That String Looks Like It’s Going to Fly Off And Hit Him in the Balls

wrong way bow

Fig 2. The Right Way i.e. Notice How The String itsn’t Going to Hit Her in the Balls If She Had Balls?

The right way

 

  1. Put your feet parallel to each other a shoulder’s width apart. If there was a stick at the end of your toes, they should be facing towards the target.

 

There are other ways to stand, but this is basically what you want to start with.

Fig 1. Like This.

archery.jpg

  1. Make the girl scout salute (Three fingers straight up) and place them right under your arrow when it’s clipped onto the string (without touching it). When you pull back the string, keep it on the tips of your fingers in a light grip. That way, when you let go and shoot, the bow won’t be jerked around, and you’ll be able to aim better.

 

While I prefer a different method to grip the string, this way is much better for beginners.

Fig. 1 Grip the String Like This (But don’t touch the arrow.)

three fingers.jpg

 

Fig. 2 No

no

 

  1. When you pull back the arrow you want to pull it back to the same place each time, or else you might aim at the same spot, but each time you shoot, the arrow will go somewhere else. Therefore, when you pull your string back, put your hand below your jaw, with the string touching the tip of your nose. This way, when you shoot, you will be pulling the string back the same distance, in the same place, every time.

 

You may see archers pulling back to the corner of their mouth. This is not ideal for recurve bows, as “the corner of your mouth” isn’t a super accurate descriptor, whereas “below your jaw” stays the same each shot. This is because, if your hand is below your jaw and touching it, you physically can’t move your hand any higher. And, if you move your hand lower or to the side, you’ll no longer be touching your jaw, and you’ll know you done goofed.

 

Fig 1. The Right Way.

Note* She is gripping the arrow in the way that I shoot. While technically it is better, the way you grip your arrow really doesn’t matter until you get really good, and it’s too easy for beginners to screw up.

anchor

 

Fig 2. The I Suck and/or Want To Loose an Eye Way

Notice how they are pulling the bow back in such a way that they probably can’t perfectly recreate? That’s why you want to pull it back to below your chin, hand touching the face, string touching your nose. Like fig. 1. Got it? Don’t be like Katniss and definitely don’t be like Ygritte.

 

  1. Brush your face when you release the bow. That way you won’t jerk the bow to the side. You keep shooting too far to one side? Probably because of this.

 

This sounds nitpicky but trust me, it’s super duper important.

 

Example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwpVYV6QTKo at 24 seconds in.

 

Alrighty. This was fun! Now, when you go to that bachelorette party, over 40’s meetup, or drunken escapade with projectile weapons, you’ll be able to impress the shit out of everyone else. And not look like a jackass. Win win.

82aa67bd1eb8ee2b9f5f88f5870ef4e7--stock-photos-archery.jpg

P.S. Please do not aim at the sky like some sort of video game character. If you let go, the arrow is eventually going to come down, and impale someone’s face or, if we get lucky, your face, so….just don’t do that. Please. Or aim at your friends. Or…maybe just take an actual archery class. Don’t learn this shit off the Internet. Seriously. People on the Internet are bullshiters. Don’t trust anyone.

Olympics-Archery-1200x675.jpg

The Reader (Sea of Ink and Gold) Review

 

sea of ink mapfour stars

Sefia knows what it means to survive. After her father is brutally murdered, she flees into the wilderness with her aunt Nin, who teaches her to hunt, track, and steal. But when Nin is kidnapped, leaving Sefia completely alone, none of her survival skills can help her discover where Nin’s been taken, or if she’s even alive. The only clue to both her aunt’s disappearance and her father’s murder is the odd rectangular object her father left behind, an object she comes to realize is a book—a marvelous item unheard of in her otherwise illiterate society. With the help of this book, and the aid of a mysterious stranger with dark secrets of his own, Sefia sets out to rescue her aunt and find out what really happened the day her father was killed—and punish the people responsible.

This book has a gorgeous type of imagery going for it. The series name is Sea of Ink and Gold which actually sort of makes sense, and isn’t one of those esoteric fancy shmancy series names that sound pretty, but make no sense. The cover is a satisfying mosaic of blues, and greens, and golds. The world inside the book is also rich, with pirates, and assassins, and a sea that may or may not reach to the end of the world.pirates.jpg

To read the full review, click here